I am into my second day of not going to work and I am going nuts. I thought my son, who has learning difficulties and some integration issues would need my attention and working was my way of running away instead of facing that unpleasant reality. I don't like imperfections - if I make a dish that is rather less than my usual standard (of excellence ;-)) I throw it rather than serve it to anyone - if I think I may not be good at something, I won't even attempt it - these are not qualities that I am proud of but they are mine nevertheless. So I was unable to be a good influence on my son. I kept thinking if learning was so effortless for me, how could it be difficult for anyone else, especially my son?!! In any case since he needs a lot of one on one time, I thought (well it's always the mom's fault, right?) that I'd do freelance corporate training instead of software engineering (which I think i'm just okay at , anyways). It will take a couple of weeks to set up and I am sure I will be climbing the walls in frustration in the mean time. I am so not cut out to be a mom - I worry a lot but have no clue what to do with them - I think as they grow older I will be a real gem of a mom but now at this age I have nothing to say to them except "Stop crayoning the walls - do not cut your sister's hair - please stop tearing the sofa - eat your food you ungrateful brats - I can't wait till you have brats of your own you li'l monsters" and the like :-).
So I am confused - why do I think I should be at home more when I feel I am really not of much use here?Why cannot I stick to the resolution of blanking out all other thoughts and worries when I work? Sheesh - I need to have my head examined - I think I sabotage my own career without thinking ...
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