Its been more than a week since I last blogged. Some days I
don’t find the time to unwind and write. Some days I don’t have the energy.
Some other days I don’t have the mood. But to be honest they are all excuses –
I can write on any day – the fact is all of those days may not bring out the
best words in me and the idea of writing something not good has never appealed.
Of course the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are my opinion alone but then I have to go with
what I feel since the whole act of writing is very personal indeed.
Today I was pondering on the essential differences in the
way my guy pals and lady friends think about bad experiences or painful
memories. I have a self-confessed hedonist pal who tells me that he can shut
out what hurts him and focus exclusively on work and that is how he gets over
various issues including but not limited to, heartbreak. And yet I have seen
him at his vulnerable moments when he lets down the shield and appears almost
human in his weakness. I have another pal who says yes pain is hard but just
let the memories slide over you like water off a duck’s back and in no time at
all you will be right as rain. I have no idea exactly how one goes about that
particular exercise. I have yet another friend who tells me he basically pushes
every unpleasant memory away into the recesses of his mind and never ever
unlocks the door to it. He also claims that it is not forgetting but rather a
way to cope by choosing to not think of it in any way ever again. Perhaps it is
a guy thing but I simply do not understand how to do that.
One of my closest woman friends went through a difficult
time recently and though she took quite a while to get over the hurt, once she
was done she was completely done. That of course I can comprehend – I am not
sure I can do that but yes I can relate to that approach on some level. Yet
another friend appears to walk away from hurts without batting an eyelash. More
lady friends suppress their memories and develop issues over time. Its not easy
to get over pain and remorse if one does not face it – at least that’s my view
but to each his own and no one can even begin to guess the depth of another’s
pain or find the perfect solution for it. Time always alleviates any hurt – it is
one of man’s invaluable survival mechanisms that the knife edge of pain is usually
blunted by the passage of the years. Our whole beings are geared towards joy
and therefore looking forward must mean letting go of past pain.
Despite the myriad ways in which men and women deal with
unpalatable memories, there is one thing in common – always the depth of the
wound determines the time taken to heal and always one has to work through the
worst of the pain to arrive at acceptance. For me, pain is dealt with over a
long period of time. I cannot let go of hurts easily. Any off-chance comment or
observation can trigger the pain when I least expect it. My memories have a raw
feeling for far too long. But acceptance does come and it is a welcome respite.
Writing about hurt is one of the ways I use to cope – it soothes me like
nothing else for you could confide in friends but unless you are very lucky,
you stand the chance of being judged or you worry about burdening someone else.
To be able to take refuge in words is a blessing indeed...
