A change has come over me slowly but surely. I think it may have been years in the making but the effects seem very sudden when the gestation is hidden. So, lately my thinking appears to have undergone a sea-change when all along all I lacked was the unwillingness to let my true nature reveal itself. I have finally decided that its okay to be a little selfish – to love myself and to pursue my happiness as an actual goal.
My unhappy self-sacrificing nature did not fill either me or my family with joy. I stumbled along for years in an existence that was pretty much like anyone else’s except for the fact that all along I knew there had to be more. There had to be some room for joy in one’s life – what was the point of living otherwise? And opening your mind to happiness automatically brings joy into your life. You attract it and it flows in. This does not mean that you are constantly roaming around with a beatific expression or in perennial bliss. Ups and downs happen as before but whereas it previously dragged you down terribly, now you have enough promise for future happiness that you get through a bad patch seeing it as a temporary setback and not as some terrible all-encompassing tragedy.
It helps too if you can laugh at yourself and with yourself. It helps if you can be child-like in your approach to life. You hear music you like? Then go ahead and dance. You see rain cooling down a hot day? Go and soak in it if you want. You want to go out and just be by yourself for a while? Indulge in it. Its okay to be happy with little things. You don’t need that BMW to get a smile on your face. If it makes you happy to spend an evening listening to your spouse tell you the same story he or she has related a million times before while you sit together in cosy comfort, then that’s nothing trivial. Happiness is not something you can price no matter what the advertisements say. And you can never be truly happy by following someone else’s idea of happiness.
I am happy when I write – when the ideas flow from my mind through my fingers and on to the screen that had only a blank document displayed on it a few seconds before. I am happy when I see my glorious African Tulip tree in full bloom with its flaming orange blossoms. I am happy when I wake early enough to walk with a solitary kite and assorted other birds for company. I am happy when I hear an old favourite song and it rekindles memories worth reliving over and over again. I am happy when the kids go ‘yum’ at something that I have cooked. I am happy when I see my husband’s wonderful smile – the one that lights up his eyes and transforms his face totally. I am happy when I watch the rain. I am happy when a friend goes out of his way to show how much he cares. I have so many things to be happy about – so does everyone but how seldom do we realize the joy that is in us and seek endlessly for an ephemeral joy that is dictated by what the world desires...
