Is it possible for anyone to be truly selfless while giving? I read somewhere that the true giver must give with no thoughts of anything in return not even a grateful smile or a simple thank you. I don’t know how easy that is since I am far from reaching such a state myself. I expect nothing in kind but a show of gratitude seems necessary especially when I am forced into giving (it could be money or even a service or some act to keep up the family status) and not doing so of my own volition. If I give whole-heartedly of my time or money then I feel good but would sometimes still appreciate a thank you (in a look or a smile even).
So I wonder how anyone can reach a stage where the giving alone results in happiness and joy thus removing the need for any response from the receiver. It is a wonderful trait to acquire. I think the closest we come to being truly selfless is when we are parents. I don’t ask for gratitude from my children if I spend sleepless nights watching them when they are ill and that is truly a much more difficult task than shelling out money for charity. No parent would hesitate to exchange their life for their child’s if God or fate demanded it. But we parents do expect returns in terms of obedience or excellence in academics from our children or maybe even conformance to what passes for normalcy in society. So there too we are not truly selfless even if we do place our children above ourselves.
I think for me there was only one time that I was truly selfless (other than after I became a parent). This is when I was sixteen or so. I stayed in the college hostel and there was this other girl who was my roommate. I had three roommates but she was my favorite. I liked her just for herself. I helped her quietly when she needed it and most often she was coldly polite. I did things for her because there was something in her that I felt connected to. One day during the exam season, she fell very ill and lay shivering. Everyone was busy studying. She couldn’t afford to miss the exam but she couldn’t read or hold up a book. So I sat with her to read to her all the stuff she wanted to learn and helped her for hours. I didn’t study my portions that night but it didn’t bother me. She could not believe it and her eyes filled with tears as she thanked me saying “I don’t know why you did it”. I told her to relax and rest. We both did well in the exams. The last day of our stay in the hostel, she called me aside and said she had to apologize for thinking me a snob for the last two years and thank me for continuing to be her friend even when she was deliberately rude. I simply smiled and told her that her reaction never bothered me.
I never repeated such acts later – for my branding has always been that of arrogant and perceptions change rarely. But the weightlessness that lack of expectations brings is a pleasure hard to describe. You simply be good and forget about it. My one experience made me realize years later that it was a small selfless act in my normal existence. The only problem is that I no longer am that naïve and find it hard to open my heart like I could do at sixteen – a portion of loving must accompany the giving for the giving itself to be pure – that is the most difficult part.
