I teach my kids lying is bad. I tell them that if they lie they lose my trust and respect. I also tell them they will be found out by Mother no matter how smart they think they are. But, honestly, lying is necessary and it’s vital to learn the skill of the ‘white lie’.
I am, by nature, a poor and patently obvious liar. I get flustered, embarrassed and fidgety when I say a blatant lie. A little one is okay and I normally use those to get out of slightly sticky situations. On the whole though with my rigid upbringing, I am happier saying the truth primarily because it’s a hell of a lot easier.
In a society filled with people of various kinds, it is advisable to learn this skill in order to survive and so I am trying to draw up a blueprint of the kinds of situations where its okay for my kids or anyone for that matter to lie provided they do so in a sincere and convincing manner. Here’s two of what I’ve come up with so far:
1. Someone who has a figure that is best hidden under layers of sackcloth is wearing an outfit that leaves much too little to the imagination is walking towards you and you are bravely trying to keep your face straight (this is just an acquaintance and not a close pal). At the meeting point, a third party walks up and exclaims “Ooh! XYZ – you are looking hot today!”. Do you
a) Say something nice with the same degree of enthusiasm?
b) Mumble something that could be taken for a compliment since you smile mightily as you mumble?
c) Say nothing because it is so difficult for you to lie since it brings on nausea?
d) Wiggle your eyebrows and say “Yeah!”
e) None of the above - you actually try diplomacy and truth together.
Answer: Go for either option ‘b’ or ‘d’. Option ‘b’ has its merits since the person being complimented isn’t likely to have gotten down from her happy state and so you have a good chance of getting away with it. Option ‘d’ is the easiest and they both have the advantage of you not having to actually lie. Option ‘e’ will simply get you one more enemy for life and if you can’t lie, you already have enough enemies to last a few lifetimes.
2. You have seen what is possibly the worst dance performance in history. You didn’t want to attend it, but you are expressly requested to. During the dance, the performer manages to fall twice. After the event, despite your energetic side-stepping, the ‘dancer’ asks you in front of a crowd whether you liked her performance knowing full well that it puts you in a spot. What do you say?
a) Wonderful – I have never seen the likes of it.
b) You fell twice and had no grace or elegance– you should not do this again – in fact I will pay you not to do so.
c) I went into a trance and failed to see anything.
d) Isn’t it awfully hot today? Where is that rain?
Answer: If you are a good liar, go for option ‘a’ otherwise ‘d’. With ‘d’ it’s always safe and it implies ‘b’ if the person feels inclined to think about your answer.
Note: This is a custom situation but it could very easily be extended to singing, speeches or any other performance related activity.
There are many more situations in school, at work or in the neighbourhood where your ability to lie quickly and effectively could mean the difference between social acceptance or total exclusion for you and your children. So keep your skill honed with practice, with simulation of possible situations and by reading plenty of fiction and you have a bright future ahead of you. I am planning to write a “How to lie for the inveterate truth sayer” book in the near future – till then – happy lying!
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