Why I will not become a best-seller

Alright, here are the several reasons I figure I am not going to be a best-seller.
I am not a stripper. Or a Las Vegas showgirl or a reformed or otherwise call girl/escort: Apparently being any of the above really helps if you have a book to sell. It even helps to get people to read your blog and once enough people have read it, publishing houses approach you with fat advances. Why did I have to be a studious sort growing up? – it would have been much easier to learn to pole dance.

I am not starving and living in a loft: I know this is commonly associated with artists but it couldn’t hurt to be really hard up – it sort of drives you like nothing else I am told. My husband thinks that technically I could be considered as ‘starving’ because of my distaste for food but I don’t think that actually qualifies.

I am not a single parent neither am I divorced or an unwed mother: Again while that alone won’t help, an author who writes under those circumstances has a vastly better chance than a stay-at-home mom who’s an aspiring writer in between housekeeping.

I don’t drink, smoke and have sex every night preferably with different people (on different days of the week I mean): I read this blog recently in which the lady wrote precisely about the three things I have mentioned above. There really isn’t anything much in the blog except how she’s coping from one break up and who is better at sex and why smoking during sex is a real thrill. There I’ve used the word ‘sex’ so many times that hopefully some people will read my blog at least to ask me where they can find the sexy lady’s blog! And to top it all, this lady has a book published by Penguin after one of their talent hunters spotted her very interesting (I honestly didn’t notice that she could write though) and highly popular blog!!

I don’t live in Afghanistan/Pakistan/Iraq and have never met Bin Laden:
Blame me for having a very ordinary life dominated by very ordinary milestones. Who would want to read about characters who were born, grew up, got married, had kids – you can actually see how boring that would be. I did live in the Gulf for 10 years but Bin Laden wasn’t fashionable in those years and I lost a valuable chance to add some color to my history.

I don’t know Bill Clinton or to put it better, Bill Clinton does not know me:
I don’t think I need to explain that one ...