growing up

Dad always used to sit in his favorite armchair with his legs out in front crossed at the ankles. She loved to climb into the hollow between his knees and hang there with her bottom just above the floor. Dad used to move the ball of his foot to and fro making a rocking motion which she loved. Ensconced in that warm cocoon, only her head would be visible and she could sit that way for hours watching TV along with dad.

She never assumed that things would change. Her place would always be assured. Then one day when she was about to climb in, her dad said “No – your brother wants to sit. Let him.” So she didn’t sit in her cocoon and she never tried again afterwards. Her brother was five years younger and always got the pride of place in the family. So she understood and never complained.

She loved French fries and her parents would make loads of them for the kids. But fries were her favorite snack. The kids would sit in the living room playing games or watching television and dad would send out new batches fresh from the frying pan. Her brother got a whole plate to himself. She and her elder sister had to share. She never could figure out why she couldn’t have a plate to herself. There was always plenty of food in the house – her parents always kept a full table. But anything her brother liked, she learnt not to ask for. He loved drumsticks and though her sister did too, he always got them. He was never asked to take turns or share. She didn’t care for any of that except the fries – if only once she could ask for a whole plateful just for herself. But she never did.


She vividly remembered her ninth birthday. It was the first time she got to choose her clothes. It was the first and only time she had a birthday cake. She got to call her other friends not just her neighbors and she was beaming and ecstatic. Her mother had prepared a feast as usual (well she always made a feast for the kids’ birthdays). She had a real party and she was so proud she thought she’d burst. Then the came the time to cut the cake. As she was about to do the honors, her brother started crying and her parents asked her to let him cut the cake. Her heart broke and she refused. But he had his way and she was allowed to cut too of course but it wasn’t the same anymore. The day had lost its magic. She tried hard not to let her tears show. After all she was too big to cry.