Dilemma

I have a curious dilemma before me. I have no idea how to resolve it and I am afraid that either choice will have repercussions that may lead to regret later. I cannot run away from making a decision however as the time is nearing where a choice is inevitable. How do I choose between making one child happier than the other? This then is the difficulty.

My little girl who is six is a bundle of energy, curiosity and unending chatter. Her feet never touch the ground and she floats through life like a little lily on a pond. She is extremely intelligent and loves challenges. My son who is ten is quieter and doesn’t float. He is always happy but hates to learn anything that requires effort. So they have different needs. I had put them in the same school for two reasons. The first is that I did not want to separate brother and sister – the second was that though almost everyone I knew told me she deserved better, I didn’t want my son to think that he was being discriminated against by being left behind when she changed schools. I knew that as he grew older, he would have to face a lot more isolation and derision. He would need his sister’s help and support to survive. If I split them up, would I not be giving the impression that they were indeed not the same to me? Would she make new friends who would make her feel her brother was an embarrassment? Would she start treating him with condescension? Shouldn’t my son have fair treatment at least from his sibling? And yet the current school is not enough for her. She needs to be exposed to more sports and a tougher level of academics because she revels in it. Wouldn’t she resent me for holding her back in order to support her brother?

There isn’t an easy answer. I know that each child is unique and has unique needs that need to be met but to maintain the fine balance between being fair and being practical is not easy. I want to be partial to the child who has a tougher time on a daily basis but that is innately unjust. It also meant that I did not have full faith in his ability which was demeaning to him as well. My children will have different paths in life inevitably but I simply did not want their paths to diverge so early.

In the end I come to a decision. He will stay back and she will move on. He will be happier in a place where there is more acceptance than anywhere else in Bangalore. She will go to another school that will improve her confidence and meet her need for challenges. I can only sit back and let them find their separate ways in the hopes that in the end, separate need not necessarily mean apart.