The year past

The past year has been as most years have been in my life – a mix of ups and downs. Of course the tough periods outnumbered the easy ones but then I think I have been made for challenges. I learnt to respect the aspect of the fighter in me. I learnt that after the ranting and the railing and the seething frustration, I move on to an odd kind of peace. That teaches me an important fact – most things pass and if they don’t, then you just learn to ride them.

It isn’t challenges that get you down, it is the way you respond to them. I used to wonder why my life was especially difficult – the autism, the financial worries, the personal friction with extended family that plagued my relationship with them for years. And then I realised that comparisons were the worst way to deal with problems. You have yours, others have theirs. If you can find the strength to lift yourself and go on, it is a victory in itself. Whether someone else acknowledges it or not. Whether you reap the benefit of courage or not. Whether it makes you tougher or not.

Another bad way to deal with challenges is pondering the ‘what ifs’. What if I was allowed to take the job I was offered in college instead of being married off? What if I never married at all? What if autism hadn’t been in my life and I had only normal problems? What if I had believed in myself more? What if I had support? These questions are as futile as the answers themselves. The fact that I can handle most anything alone is because of what I had to go through. The fact that I have less fear and more confidence is because I beat my own path. The fact that I have accepted that I have let people’s expectations down and don’t let it bother me is because I believe that I am making a difference with my autism work. So there are always gains that you forget to note in your hurry to wallow in the loss of perceived blessings. Maybe in another life, things will be easier. Again maybe not.

One aspect of facing down hurdles is that you begin to respect the genuine in everything. Genuine words, genuine people and genuine feelings. And all that is fake becomes abhorrent. So this year I have decided to do away with all that is fake – fake relationships that have ceased to give me anything and took me for granted, fake words that are exchanged in order to fulfil a contract, fake engagements that cater to the ego. I believe with all my heart that we are put on this earth for a short length of time and if all we can do is put up a show, then what is the point of life?

So Happy New Year folks – celebrate the genuine in you and the world this year and always :)