Leave well alone

I am glad that the one ability I possess is that of writing. It ensures that at no time am I friendless. It ensures that the deepest darkest phase of despair will not see me reach for a convenient rope because I sit and put down in black and white what is bothering me and then get on with my life be it ever so hard at that particular moment. Escaping from this world is easier that living with challenges. My escape is writing.

There are days when you wish to vent to someone, anyone really because things get out of hand. Friends come and go or are busy, spouses tend to be occupied with their own issues sometimes, extended family most usually have no clue what is happening in my mind. So my one option is to write. I don’t have to face a busy tone, or a friend interrupted from shopping/partying/ facebooking or a spouse desperately trying not to let on how many problems he is juggling. I just hammer away at my keys till calm descends on me once again.

In an ideal world, you get support from the quarters you expect. The recent article written on me didn’t go down well with some of my friends and family. Apparently my talking about autism and accepting the label instead of denying it is what caused autism in the first place. A friend who has not spoken to me in years because she is busy calls me up the day the article was published to ask me what my son would do if he read those words written by the columnist. I asked her if she was so interested in the child she had seen from babyhood, why had she not even once in the past three years, actually called to find out how he was doing? I then told her if my son ever got to the stage where he could read and understand what was in the column regardless of his reaction to me, I would be the happiest person on earth. She obviously got more upset. It amazes me that people who have no stake or interest in my child’s welfare should choose to tell me whether what I do is right or wrong.

Then I got another call in the night. This time it was to say that the use of the word ‘autism’ is what creates ‘autism’. In other words its alright to call a deaf child deaf or a blind child blind, but if its autism do not talk of it, call it something else and pray. Autism will miraculously disappear. As a mother I was endangering the child by my relentless advocacy to give children with special needs a chance to live productively in society. Why couldn’t I just deal with my child (without labels) and why did I have to work with so many of ‘those’ children so that this label was in the life of my child nearly always? I said that burying my head in the sand was not an option. And praying while doing nothing was also not an option. Again someone who calls but despite having the chance for many years, does nothing to teach the child or engage him in any way has no right to tell anyone what to do. Challenges are one thing. People who are constantly negative and critical are another thing entirely. Having done nothing of value themselves, they seek then to bring down everyone because that is far easier and more satisfying than doing one productive thing in their entire existence.

It is true that everyone has their own path in life. It behoves the rest of the world to leave them to it. If help is needed extend a hand or not , according to your nature but don’t bring down someone who faces an uphill challenge every single day. One day your actions will get to you too – no one is immune from the repercussions of harsh words and selfish intentions. Try and put yourself in the other’s shoes. And if you still don’t get it, understand enough to leave them alone.