Unconditional.

Why do I feel like writing about acceptance today? Its not a new train of thought and the idea of the importance of acceptance is not one that grew on me overnight but currently it is swirling about in my mind and if I do not set it down, it will only distract me from the rest of my work.

Acceptance must be unconditional for it to be effective. It sounds too much like a declaration but then in a way it is one. I don’t believe that you can accept only parts of a person or a situation. I know that there are people who routinely do so but then they miss the picture and focus only on little things. If you cannot see the wood for the trees, you miss the beauty of the forest entirely.

Every person is a mix of desirable and undesirable characteristics. The nature of the desirability is purely subjective. I won’t like a particular trait in anyone and yet there are others who may find that very trait endearing or at least, attractive. If the balance is tilted towards more characteristics that I do not like, I do not accept the entire person. I may tolerate them but there will be nothing more than a veneer of politeness in my interactions with them. Others see me in the same way too I am sure.

If, however I love someone be it in any capacity – either friend or spouse or child, then my acceptance is total. It does not matter that there are traits I dislike or find it difficult to tolerate because the person involved has other traits that I cherish and it is in the balance of different characteristics that the beauty of their character is revealed. I do not tarnish this beauty with a judgemental view. It is my strong belief that no one can judge someone they are close to truly because one is never free from the taint of perceptions coloured by wishes rather than facts. Objectivity can arise only from a distance and if judge we must, then it can only be related to persons or situations with which we have no direct engagement.

Unconditional acceptance enriches both the giver and the receiver. The idea that one does not need to be perfect to merit love and acceptance is a great liberator – the idea that one can love someone else warts and all gives you the power to transcend the ordinary and reach a completely different level of feeling for your loved one. But to even comprehend that, you must leave all thoughts of yourself or your ego behind – in the deepest kind of love, there is no place for ego and it is that alone that comes in the way of total acceptance.

Have you experienced the love of a child? One cannot get anything more unconditional than that – the love that a child shows his or her mother is not based on anything at all – not how good the mother looks, whether she is perfectly happy always or whether she is capable of being the best mother – a child is a fount for forgiveness and an unending source of love that lifts you up. If you can learn to love and accept like that, you become truly blessed.

In the case of situations, there are many times when we are faced with instances when it is impossible to see the good in something traumatic but it will still be there. To reject something as painful and to attempt to delete it completely will give it the power to endure in your mind. But if you accept the situation as a whole and believe that you can yet learn something from it – that there is a gift in it somewhere inside the pain. Accept it in totality and you are empowered. Think fractionally and it will break you...