On the new year...

I have this overriding dislike for the New Year and its attendant celebrations. It does sound sort of morose and negative, does it not? But then that is not how I meant it. I have nothing against any new year coming along. It is part of life. My main issue is with the unrelenting reminders of bring out the old, bring in the new or the exhortations to make resolutions, to become a better person – do the thing you want to do the most and so on. To me it all seems like too much pressure. Sometimes it is nice to feel that your life as it is, is fine and needs no drastic changes to fit into the shiny New Year.

So every December 31st I find myself getting annoyed at the endless articles in print and online about the easiest ways to change, to turn over a new leaf, to move into the next year in a blaze of glory. For some reason, I can never get excited about a date. I don’t get especially worked up over my birthday except perhaps hoping to get a bit pampered on that one day. My anniversary also doesn’t get me into spasms of ecstasy. I remember and am thankful for the presence of my calm and collected husband in my life for without him I would be utterly anchorless. In the same way I am grateful for the chance to see the beginning of another year and am also glad that I have gotten through both the joys and sorrows of the previous year. This gratitude is not one I would choose to advertise through either booze or fireworks. A simple moment of quiet reflection suffices.

There is always a gnawing sense of disquiet about entering the New Year. I feel rather guilty about the fact that I am not yet in that particular place in my life where I want to be. Thinking back, the past year has been both good and difficult. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I feel utterly comfortable with who I am physically and mentally. I have gained a measure of confidence which was formerly inconceivable to me. I sleep better; I often wake up with anticipation. I believe I write better than before.

I am, however not proud of the fact that there have been instances when I have behaved in ways I have regretted later on. I have spoken when silence would’ve been the better option. I have given in when resisting might have proven more desirable in the long run. I have not been as patient with my children as I should have. I have not yet managed to psyche myself out of the mental block that keeps me from writing my dream book or indeed any book at all. I have let myself be hurt by people whom I am better off ignoring.

But the good and bad are part of everyone’s life. I like to reflect frequently instead of merely once a year – keeping track of how one has grown and changed is important. If you don’t know where you are, how will you know how to get to where you want to go? The sloughing off of old debts, pains and mistakes needs to be a constant process so that one is ever renewed and refreshed leading to a happier every day instead – what better way to ensure a more fulfilling year ahead?