Of silence

I sit propped against the pillows, idly surfing the net or if I feel too tired, just reading a book. I don’t want to lie down because of the slight wheezing that makes lying down rather uncomfortable. So I sit still listening to music or occasionally chatting to a friend who might find me online. I haven’t said a word since morning – it helps my badly infected throat to be quiet. The thoughts still buzz around my head like a swarm of angry bees. I am a chatterbox most of the time according to everyone who knows me but when alone I can only be pensive. Being completely quiet has had a different effect on me - its kind of calming to be quiet externally and after a few hours of it even the thoughts inside my head quieten down and desist from their normal frenetic buzzing.

I now have the time to examine each thought as it swishes by slowly and I also have the liberty to choose whether I wish to articulate it or not. Of late I have learnt that any word I say could be interpreted in a million ways and most of them in ways I may have never even thought about. It is but natural that one grows to communicate in a certain way attuned to those nuances that cause no annoyance to your loved ones. That others might see meaning unintended in one’s words is something that probably we all know but fail to realize in any depth. Therefore being quiet has a lot of benefits – for one it teaches you that silence has many merits. Being silent on things that you need not absolutely talk about saves you from the rather difficult task of backtracking and explaining why you used that particular set of words instead of some other.

Being silent also gives you the time you need to really choose those words that you will eventually say. Does this reduce the spontaneity in a conversation? Of course it does but if you consider the alternative which involves unnecessary recriminations, then a loss of spontaneity does not seem like such a sacrifice to keep a valued relationship going. People focus on words a lot more than on the person who says them – the same words said by different people mean different things and its harder to take back words than to simply keep one’s mouth shut.

As a medium of communication, talking is fraught with danger. How imperfectly can words convey feelings that fill you with happiness or despair! I can say I feel joyful but the words are so tame compared to the way my heart sings when I am happy. When something terribly hard to handle hits me, the words I use to describe the situation may sound more like a complaint and nowhere near the echo of the devastating feeling that is within me. If instead I just remain quiet and glory in my joy or accept my despair, then no one need judge me on my expression of these feelings.

Therefore I have come to appreciate silence for its innumerable merits. I will of course continue to be verbose whenever I get a chance. I won’t keep quiet if I see someone doing something wrong either. And to imagine I will keep quiet during a particularly lousy movie is really too far out. But I will keep quiet more often from now on – it distances me from situations and brings a level of detachment that serves as a buffer against too much pain and too much pleasure. I find that I am able to concur with Rumi who says “Let silence take you to the core of life”...