Sleeping children

I look at the little faces lost in sleep or perhaps in dreams of another world. How still they are now as opposed to the restless energy that seems to possess them when they are awake! They are so alike and yet so different. They smell wonderful – not the special mixture of mother’s milk and Johnson’s baby powder like they used to when they were infants but clean and light – they still smell of innocence.

I don’t watch them sleeping very often because the love that catches me by surprise always tends to be overwhelming and I do not want to feel this much love for fear something will happen to detract from it. I usually look at them for a few minutes in the morning before I wake them up for the crazy round of brushing, bathing and breakfasting before school that never seems to finish on time.

Today I notice how beautiful the shapes of my son’s eyes are. He has lashes that any actress would kill for. His head is a perfect round, his nose is just right and he has little cupid’s bow shaped lips – such a cute face and yet whenever I see him my heart fills with anxiety at what the future holds for a child who will never belong with others. Maybe he will surprise me. For now I just look at him and let the sight take my breath away.

The little one has grown so much the past year. She is all tanned gangly limbs like a colt. Even while still you can see her grace and fluidity. Her face is still small and she still looks like a baby to me when asleep. Her features are like her brother’s in many ways but she has a very determined expression even while dreaming. I am sure her dreams are of flying. Her feet never touch the ground – my little colt has wings.

In a few moments the morning frenzy will start. I will go nuts and yell at them to hurry, hurry and hurry some more. I will not hear the stories Mahi wants to tell me about the girl whose jacket got exchanged with hers. I won’t notice the cat on the backyard wall as the distraction that prevents Appu from finishing his breakfast. I will heave a sigh of relief when they are bundled off and then immediately I regret not being softer, gentler more patient. And then I will think of them when they are asleep and smile – what a blessing these two are and how little I deserve them. But I too shall learn to grow as a parent and one day I shall be worthy of these two...