A good day...

Every year on Appu’s birthday, I wake up with a mixture of happiness, anticipation, worry and a sense of inadequacy. I know that I will end the day with the feeling that I have not done enough for him. Over the years, I have gone from inviting every child in this complex, to inviting a handful for his party to inviting no one at all. The reason is simple. He wants everyone in his life but he cannot hold a conversation. He is someone best avoided by children of his age because they don’t understand why he cannot be like them. I don’t blame them either. His incessant hugs and childlike joy in having other kids in his house as his ‘friends’ even if it is for a day is probably embarrassing to the kids who do show up. So I dreaded going through even one more such party. I decided this year, I would invite no one and I would not subject my child to anything that gave other children a chance to treat him differently. I would instead only celebrate the day with people who truly loved Appu, who cared enough to see him for who he was and who felt real joy in his company.

So we started off the day with a hunt for the perfect gift and a promise to take him and everyone at the centre out for lunch. Of course Aks was the instigator of the plan since she believed that he had the right to ask for anything on that day and we all had the responsibility to make it happen. The lunch was a huge hit. We had gone to a simple dhaba – nothing fancy but the children loved everything so much that my initial reservations all melted away. How simple were their needs! How happy these kids were with a little treat! With what gusto did they relish the food and the fact that they were out like everyone else having fun!

The lunch was followed by a fantastic party in the evening. The centre was done up beautifully. All of Appu’s real friends showed up. Pallavi’s cake in the shape of an oscillating fan (yes that is Appu’s greatest obsession) was amazing. Aks’s energy in dealing with the kids after the long day was unbelievable. Tanu’s commitment to being part of every important day that my kids and I have celebrated is yet another blessing. Chai’s insistence on treating him like a prince was adorable. People came from far away to simply wish Appu and he was beaming with a joy so intense, I could never do justice to it with mere words. In a world where one constantly sees only feeble, contrived, second-hand versions of happiness, undiluted joy is a rarity. It transforms all those who are witness to it. The day was so beautiful; it left S and me in an exalted frame of mind. I cannot express enough gratitude to all those who made Appu’s day so special. Thank you all for everything. But most of all thank you for seeing my child with eyes of love, for being there with all your heart and for taking away from me, for one day, the worry that I have not done right by him.