Limits...

I always have too many thoughts buzzing in my mind. Sometimes I find it energizing. Some other times it is exhausting. The thoughts chase each other in mindless whorls of chaotic patterns. Out of this chaos comes a certain brand of creativity – an ability to make something concrete out of nothing at all. Creation is always an empowering feeling and that is perhaps why I love to write. It does not matter for that short while of time, how the rest of my life fares. For those few moments, all I see is the screen in front of me and my fingers flashing across the keyboard at warp speed to pin down that one stream of thought out of thousands that I wish to capture. I don’t really wonder what will come next. I never have a conclusion when I begin – how can I when I follow the thought as I write?

Today’s thread of awareness is about limits. How far are you willing to be pushed in the name of friendship or love or dedication? The fact is if you care for someone else deeply be it a friend, a spouse or a child, you are willing to do a lot for them. If you are the naturally generous sort, then it is rather easy to get carried away and continue giving till you realize that you have no reserves left sometimes. I am lucky to have a spouse who is a constant source of strength but even then in my other relationships, I find that I let myself be pushed too much on occasion. The friends who are truly my friends have never taken advantage of me but there have been a few people who I thought mattered but have crossed the line that for me demarcates a limit that is non-negotiable. I cut them out of my life. Its never easy and it hurts if they mattered even a short while but cutting is healthier than letting things fester. No words can fix that which does not deserve to be put together again.

Why do we each have limits? The answer is simple. There exists a state where we know better than any other that the particular person in our life brings us no joy but only a measure of uncertainty. The effort then of keeping that person in our life exceeds the returns we receive  in terms of happiness. Why then continue a farce? For me that is my limit – anyone who takes me for granted or keeps in touch merely to pass time or fails to be there for me when I need them is no longer welcome. If you do not have limits that others are not allowed to trample on, you lose your definition. 

This approach has lost me former friends many times. We all have limits. They are there to protect us. Perhaps with true understanding, we will have no need of limits or barriers or fears of being pushed too hard. Until that day comes, however, I draw hard lines around me as I stand lost in thoughts yet again.