Mirroring values

I have often wondered how the measure of a man or woman changes when that which we believed about them is shattered. I do not talk of expectations or perfectly flawless behavior towards us and us alone. I was thinking rather of how there are things that should be counted as components of character but these days are simply forgotten. If someone you are close to has a friend or loved one who makes no bones about being prejudiced about the colour of the skin, about holding views that are appallingly backward about women for someone supposedly educated, about thinking children who come from less than illustrious backgrounds or with difficulties cannot be in a classroom with other kids; how would you deal with the situation?

Is there no need to stand by a principle these days? You say you are not prejudiced and someone you glorify ill-treats others but not you and you are okay with that? How does that make sense I wonder? If the world had applauded and rewarded a South Africa that was promoting apartheid but that was always unfailingly polite otherwise, would that have been right? If you are not directly hurt by the venom of someone you choose to love, is it then alright to watch the subject of it getting hurt? A subject whom you had befriended?

There is no justice in most things in life. But of one thing I am certain - if a person I was close to uttered anything prejudicial about another friend, I would have stood up and defended the friend who was being judged. I would have lost a certain amount of respect for that person because prejudice is inexcusable. I would probably never look at that person the same way again. So even if you do not actually hurt someone yet stand and watch someone over whom you have influence hurt someone and do nothing, then you at some level are responsible for that hurt. If you put up with it, there is a part of you that agrees with that action. For if you do not agree, if you feel strongly against it, you cannot remain silent – you would speak out.

I am however blessed with a spouse and friends who are generous and broad-minded and thankfully have had only a few such bad experiences. There was one person whom I thought of as a friend who I found out had no compunction in tolerating anything as long as there was no direct consequence. There is no easier way to lose my trust. Not standing up for what is right shows superficiality of character. They who are happy with trappings and the ability to be distracted can get by in life very easily. And the sad thing is that this person epitomizes most of the well-off people I come across.  Have fun, enjoy life – ignore the difficulties of others and revel over your superiority because hell, you have the money!

Its simple really. If you have a friend who is sincere, they will not let someone else trash you or your work or your beliefs. They will not cultivate that relationship once the mask of civility has been lowered even for a split-second. The friends you have are a reflection of you when it comes to core values. If they aren’t, then you will learn the hard way that they really weren’t friends.