Lessons from a break

After fifteen days away and most of the comforts one is normally used to, Appu and I finally got back home. It was a pretty tiring journey but we were so glad to be back, we didn’t really mind any of it. My husband had been travelling that whole week and when he had to make the long journey to and fro to pick us up, he was completely exhausted. He didn’t sleep a wink and was throwing up and totally worn out by next morning. As I woke up early and was getting ready to go for my morning walk – a routine which I wanted to get back to as quickly as possible – he smiled at me from the bed and said “I know when I see you first thing in the morning, that all will be right with the world – I can lie back knowing you are there to take care of everyone.” I stopped and smiled back, touched at his words for he is not someone who is normally expressive – now that’s a homecoming anyone would want to be blessed with.

I walked for close to an hour enjoying the wonderful weather and noticing all the little things I normally miss out. I saw a lot more birds than I usually do because for days during my little retreat I was silent enough that I could note different bird calls and even spy the songsters hidden in the leafy boughs. I then went back home and got into the usual chaos that is a weekday morning. All through the day I was thinking of what a few days away taught me. So many lessons really. Sometimes its nice to gain new perspectives in life – we are all way too prone to taking things for granted and even to repeating little mistakes that we would be better off not committing at all. We also forget to be grateful for all that we have been blessed with and instead focus only on our grievances. Take a few steps back and look again at your life – you will realize that you are indeed lucky.

The first thing I learnt was how important it was to lead a simple life. Why do we always think we need all sorts of things to be happy? We clutter our life with thoughts, objects, desires and even people in order to seek happiness and yet find ourselves strangely empty and unfulfilled. If you quietly take stock of what is really meaningful in your life and trim away everything else, you can see how little you need to be truly happy. Never bother about what constitutes someone else’s idea of happiness. It is not yours. Think only of what you truly need and keep that alone. De-cluttering your thoughts will follow naturally and you will end up feeling lighter. Another advantage of simplifying your life is that your sense of self-importance is automatically reduced. You are above no one else. A little humility never hurt anyone.

Another lesson I learnt was the power of silence. Its was just Appu and me for so many days and he is a great teacher of silence. He doesn’t chatter at all. And my days and nights were therefore very quiet. I got perhaps one call a day from my husband. Occasionally a friend would call but other than that absolute silence reigned except for essential communication. I didn’t have a single stress headache. I didn’t sit in front of my laptop chatting with friends or attempting to write. There was no internet, no TV, no entertainment of any sort and it was surprisingly easy to get used to. There were days initially when I felt lonely but for the most part the silence was refreshing. I learnt to not raise my voice since I didn’t have to compete with the TV or computer for Appu’s attention. He was happier for it. I didn’t have anything else take up my time so for hours together after attending to whatever my son needed, I would sit and daydream like I used to as a girl. I threaded flowers into a garland, I wrote in my little notebook, I went for walks and saw peacocks. I didn’t need to talk for any of it.

I learnt things about myself I am not proud of. I wallowed in self-doubt for a few days. I pondered on my importance in others’ lives and reached the sad conclusion that while I may be needed, I am not truly indispensable to anyone at all. I think no one is actually. Also no one is so important to the world that everyone is waiting with bated breath to see whether you are going to screw up or not. So go ahead and try whatever you ever wanted to try doing. Your mistakes aren’t world disasters either! It is kind of comforting to think of your life in such terms. In other words, the sheer ordinariness of our existence should give us the courage to make mistakes and experiment , living life to the fullest extent possible.

I will go back and learn more some time. After all, Appu and I have a long journey together ...