My body and I are currently not getting
along. We seem to have a horde of differences. I try to be reasonable but my
body is clearly not seeing sense. Today’s argument went something like this:
Me : You need to get a bit tougher. I mean
look at the number of back aches over the years. It’s a bit embarrassing. My 90-year-old
grandmother doesn’t have as many back aches as you do!
Body : (rather tartly) You spend most of
your time sitting or standing. You don’t take me swimming or cycling or
anything that makes me feel valued. Your grandmother can do more work than you
so don’t give me that crap. Blame yourself – learn a new exercise. Walking in
slow motion doesn’t cut it anymore!
M: I walk at er..average speed. I am doing all those superman, cobra, get on all fours and extend myself like a fool exercises, aren't I? I don’t
know how to swim and I can’t find a teacher to save my life. Besides I need to
shape up before I squeeze myself into the swimsuit I bought !
B : (muttering) By the time you shape up
even this damn swimsuit will be too tight for you.
M : I heard that ! You are supposed to be
on my side. Why do you betray me at every turn? I only tried to get the milk
from the fridge and you fold up like a banana peel !!
B: It’s a two-way street – I can’t help you
if you don’t actually do something.
M: (with a painfully sore ego) Forget the
backache – what about this rash? I look like an eruption of pink sand dunes! I
am not allergic to anything so how do you explain this huh?? I can’t go to
work. I scare the neighbourhood cats if I show my face and now I have to invest
in a burkha all because of you!
B: You should’ve thought of that before you
piled gloop on me for two hours in an effort to tame your weird frizzy hair. Too
much gloop and you got a viral infection. Hence the rash – a two-year-old could
follow this simple logic but you persist in being stupid.
M: Yeah you know it all don’t you! Now all
I can do is sleep since I am on two different allergy medications. Who will do
my work for me, huh? Tell me that!
B: I need a break – you never listen to me –
you don’t give me enough water and you eat just enough to keep me going. How am I supposed to get any rest when you read
till 1 in the morning? I have had it with you – I’m going my own way.
M: Er…how would you do that? You are my
body after all.
B: Oh so now you are being possessive eh?
Don’t objectify me! Treat me like I matter and thinks will go swimmingly.
M: (wincing) Don’t remind me about the
swimming bit – I hereby swear I shall do my best to value you – howzzat?
B: Well it’s a start. Now go drink that
water!
