Yesterday was a day of wonders. The image of that day is one
that shall always be burnt brightly on to the film of my mind. I don’t think it
will lose clarity or value as the years pass. I hoard little moments and if I
am very lucky, a handful of days to store so that I can survive the hard times.
The memory of a look, a smile, a word or sometimes a whole way of being can be
saved against the ravages of time so that it is eternally fresh and beautiful.
These moments are my blessings. They are my reward for having to manage during
the days that are too difficult to speak of or write about – they are my armour
against hopelessness and defeat.
The whole five weeks of my vacation have been nothing short
of miraculous. After uncounted years, I felt the stress fall away and leave me
looking more rounded than I have ever been (that may not be a great thing ;))
but the feeling of being unfettered by anything more burdensome than light
cooking and finding new ways to entertain the twosome by taking them on buses
and trains to parks and malls big and small, opened up a part of me that I
never knew existed. Singapore is a lovely place for a vacation. There is much
to see and do and my favourite moments have been those spent with the family in
out-of-the-way spots, sipping English Breakfast Tea and watching the unfolding
beauty all around me or simply discovering fresh seafood of all kinds to
experiment with and get rousing appreciation for at dinner time. Little joys
filled the days.
But what made yesterday special was the idea that my son
could set aside the sensory issues that have been plaguing him from the time he
was born. All along Appu would cover his ears at loud noises, cry in terror at
certain pitches of sounds, get seizures at being exposed to video games or
certain lights and be obsessive about never getting so much as a drop of water
on his clothes. I have gotten angry with him, felt terrible about his pain and
felt untold anger against the world for his condition. But he is as he is. I
can only be his mother and hope.
Yesterday when we went to Universal Studios, he surprised me
no end. He stood in the queues patiently though I was getting annoyed at the
wait. He tried out all the rides and I do mean all of them. He got soaking wet
at the water ride while the rest of us merely got splashed. And yet he didn’t
bat an eyelid. He told me “Its okay Amma, it will dry!” after I asked him if we
could buy him new shorts since his jeans were completely soaked just like his
shirt. I couldn’t believe it. How could he cope with the sensory irritations
which used to overwhelm him till date? When we went on the Mummy roller coaster
ride which was in the darkness with rather scary twists and turns, beetles,
fire and screaming mummies, I thought he’d panic but at the end of it, he was
laughing gleefully and saying “Can we do it again??” And yes, we went back and
did it again!
S and I looked at each other with amazement. It went on like
that with each difficult ride growing more enjoyable. And we, as a family,
enjoyed the day so thoroughly that it stands in my mind as a precious gift.
People with regular families may not know the value of a day that has each
member smiling with happiness but for me, it is something that is priceless. We
may or may not have such perfect days again but this one day has truly
transformed me and for now, I can ask for nothing more.
